unexplained feelings

 

Hi lovelies! Spontaneous post (usually they sit in the drafts a bit because I know I want to post them) because I feel so sad today and have no idea why. I got home and just started bawling for no reason ( or maybe too many reasons). I don't have any friends I can go to when i'm crying, even though there's maybe two I can think of that would be there for me, but there are none that I wanna burden with my sadness yk? So here you go i'm posting it for the internet too see 

There are a couple of reasons but I think what pushed me over the edge was that I waited like 2 hours for the bus and got home to find out I ordered the wrong gym bag and it's TINY. That's when I just lost it to be honest I was so tired and so sad. I've been on the verge of tears for the past four days because I just feel so alone in my new year at school, and today's interaction trying to make a friend didn't help 🙁 Basically, there's this girl I was already scared of who has a lot of mutual friends with me, and today she was with two of my friends and I decided to work up the courage (I should probable post my other post about school first for context but whatever) to finally speak and make a friend and so I went up, greeted my two friends with a big smile, a wave and a "hi!" and turned to do the same to her. But i guess it was a private conversation so she basically shooed me away, which isn't why I got sad, i completely understand you need private conversations, but it's the way she did it. She basically mocked my super jolly "HI!" but made it bye instead. 

It doesn't help that everyone is saying that she's so nice and I shouldn't be scared.. I just hate when people diminish my joy with their own despair and doom, cause i'm such a bubbly person and that's just who I am. Sometimes I used to worry it was annoying people but then that feeling went away and now it's back again so yay. This post is super messy and the thoughts aren't really organised but it's okay we move 

I do get that this seems completely irrational and not something to cry about multiple times but that's exactly why this is titled "unexplained feelings", I can't explain why it affected me so much.

signing off with love, farrah ♡